I want to go home.

Reading to pass another quiet night.

Why am I even throwing these words into the black? There is no answer.

late night, i pause in a moment before the day becomes new. such possibility, yet i am not what i need to be to reach potential. must channel the oneness within

How is it that I can invent a tale easily but never when it suits me?

I wish I could explain and control my emotions and attractions. It makes no sense to be so caught up with the idea of sex when I have fought it so long.

my brain works I can turn this into a poem. I just had a desire to write something tonight.

in a way you never could seeing that on screen. and this was originally supposed to be a poem, but now I am just ranting to my cell phone. maybe tomorrow when~

notice the shadows of tears on her face. after you have gathered your popcorn bag from the floor and before you toss it in the bin, you understood a person~

moving from one familiar setting to the next. like in a crowded movie theater when you glance at the person next to you as you make that drawn out exit and~

my frame of understanding is wide and deep like a puddle of pool water that drips from your body on a hot summer day. a byproduct of short transitionary periods

Testing out my awful new ringtone. Haha.

The Life of David Gale today.

Der Rosenkavalier, Max, and Cold Mountain today.

If someone could explain this opera or whatever it is on PBS to me, I would be eternally grateful.

Mental note: indoor baby shower, invite family and friends, organic, organic, organic.

I am terrified that I am going to be extremely out of my league at UT Martin, but I guess I will just throw myself in feet first and see what happens.

~Something's Gotta Give, Robin Hood, Prince of Persia, tbc...

The Boy in the Striped Pajamas, The Shawshank Redemption, tbc...

Movies I have seen for the first time recently: Running with Scissors, Girl with the Dragon Tattoo, The Fourth Kind, Pet Sematary, The Shining, She's the Man,~

Played Hillbilly Golf with my mom, rode a cheesy ass dinosaur ride and introduced her further into the magical universe of SGU.

Things I did today: Was put in the running for a scholarship, paid my housing deposit, talked to a honeymooning couple from England at Red Lobser, ~

I want to be dancing with handsome Englishmen in flouncy cravats, but instead, I am in this sweltering heat, trying to lure myself to sleep with a good story.

They seek him here. They seek him there. Those Frenchies seek him everywhere. Is he in heaven, or is he in hell? That damned elusive Pimpernel.

92. ''Papa Don't Preach'' 93. Pandora radio.

91. Pretending to be sick to get out of doing work.

So do I even need to bother pretending that I spent the day doing something other than reading fanfiction, watching the telly and listening to wrock?

Consider adding to my Day Zero list, ''Write a smutty fanfiction.''

Things I need to do to clean the house: Wash dishes. Pick up trash. Scrub the counters. Mop the kitchen floor. Dust. Vacuum. Wash towels. Clean the toilet.

So I am working on my Day Zero Project, which means I need to start reading War and Peace soon.

87. Wrock. 88. Trock. Haha. 89. The air conditioning. 90. The feeling I get after forcing myself to work out.

82. Sleeping in. 83. My dad being proud of me. 84. Random acts of kindness. 85. Blank pieces of paper. 86. Pokemon games.

76. Raspberry sorbet. 77. UT Martin. 78. Picking out new fabrics. 79. People mistaking me for a McKay's employee. 80. Talking. 81. New cleaning supplies.

Sometimes I put the headphones on just so you will leave me alone.

I am so sick of this drama. I don't understand why people jump the gun and refuse to communicate properly before they get angry.

I got a haircut!

70. Being free. 71. Feeling like a responsible person. 72. Not shaving. 73. People being proud of me. 73. Haircuts. 74. The New Yorker. 75. Philosophy.

63. Good food. 64. Skittles. 65. Acting like someone cares what I blog about. 66. Wildflowers. 67. Corset romances. 68. Unlimited texting. 69. Orgasms.

56. Getting by by the skin of my teeth. 57. Having money. 58. Clean clothes. 59. Flip-flops. 60. 4-wheeling. 61. A good book. 62. M.C. Escher.

49. Clouds. 50. Being random. 51. My computer. 52. Staying up all night. 53. Hamlet. 54. People telling me that my hair is pretty. 55. Honesty.

Number 17. should have said 'Peaches.' I didn't mean to write 'Helping people' twice.

40. Coffee. 41. The French Quarter. 42. Old maps. 43. Connolis. 44. The Outer Banks. 45. Ocracoke. 46. Stunt kites. 47. The ocean. 48. Porches.

32. Youtube. 33. Being called 'love.' 34. Sexy underwear. 35. Smoothies. 36. Bookstores. 37. Class discussions. 38. Finely-aged gentlemen. 39. Science fiction.

24. Strategy games. 25. Photography. 26. Nice bedding. 27. Traveling. 28. Being the funny and sarcastic one. 29. Gone with the Wind. 30. Folk music. 31. Driving

15. Writing. 16. Good poetry. 17. Helping people. 18. Swimming. 19. Gorgeous voices. 20. My family. 21. My friends. 22. Asian House. 23. Playing Rook.

11. Going to the movies. 12. Seafood alfredo. 13. White Collar, Royal Pains, Burn Notice, Chuck, House, Community, etc. -television- 14. Thunderstorms.

1. Beautiful views of the mountains. 2. Fanfiction. 3. Harry Potter. 4. SG-1. 5. SGA. 6. SGU. 7. Doctor Who. 8. Bananas. 9. Helping people. 10. Lit classes.

So basically, I am currently worried about who I am now and how I am different from what I was. I am going to work on identifying 100 things that make me happy.

Sonic interview.

motion but to move like a woman?

I can account for, is the ideas, the presence of a woman. always perfection. always knowledge. how can I solve the orbit of the planets when I know nothing of~

what do I know except move like a woman. there are cosmic problems. physics. mathematics. millions of questions I can't answer, but the best, the only strategy~

lithe and graceful. soft and comforting. move like a woman, always the top priority. pressing decisions flood my mind. when. when every thought seems cloudy~

failures mount like snowflakes on a drift. love stomps giantly. stumps gallantly. i am uncertain but content.

hopes. all else seems strange. like stepping into a cave and seeing only the prehistoric animals which haunt those places. when words have abandoned and~

society where they are demanded. when the weak are easy to leave behind and i begin to feel more than merely capable, there is a constant on which to dash my~

on family. when all around me is without form, there is a jaded peak on which to toil. when honor and respect seem long dead virtues, i may always find a~

What if I am not meant to be an author? What do I do then? I have spent so long trying to convince myself that I have talent that I don't know what else to do.

How about, 'I never appreciated our house until the summer the bank took it?'

Ideas for novel. Family losing home. Tough economic times. Small disabled child. Discuss.

Such a long day today. I think I am going to turn in with a book before bed. #EndersGame

that can reflect back to me what I want to hear most from my own lips. at the edge again of a vast and empty chasm. where my head will wonder, I know not.

for want of reason. how is it that uncertainties so mellow at first can creep upon us in a universe with no want of distraction? when I know there is no echo~

my mind, it thinks in rhythms and double times. there is a beat in my head beyond my heart. soft and easy doubt. such silence in this residence. i grow sloppy~

I am at the cabin now, and it is incredibly quiet. Almost like the silence mentioned in Doctor Who. Is this where my muse will strike? I can only wait and see.

Less than 24 hours now until I leave civilization. I wonder what this will inspire in me. I feel like I am about to embark on a spiritual journey in the woods.

Found my camera and washed a ton of clothes. How long has it been since something was clean? I don't mind it. It just seems like there is always stuff to do.

things I have learned from karate practice. one men are extremely competitive. a lot of more physical activity is balance and patience than anything.

Ok. Back to square one. I have a cigarette, an opening line, a couple of names, and a backstory. Keep Chartre & Hudson. Ditch the court bit.

I could get used to this text blogging. Washed my hair in the sink to avoid noisy shower. Consider renaming 'whore bath.' Foutch, this evening, I think.

thoughts on my ceiling. white, contemplative and pure. a removed witness. an uninvolved deity. rigid and composed. yet always under the feet of those above.

I am having such a lazy night. All I want to do is be on the internet and feel connected to people. I am such a needy person, but I am cool with it.

It is absolutely amazing how easy it is to communicate.